College years are some of the most formative times in life for personal growth and development. As students, how can you independently grow alongside somebody else? Whether it be a long distance or in-school relationship, dating in college has its challenges — but that doesn’t mean it won’t be worth it.
In a student’s college career, there is up to a 60 percent chance that they will have been in a relationship. Around 28 percent of those couples will marry post-graduation. With statistics like these, how are students making relationships work? What happened to the 72 percent of couples who break up?
Beating Long Distance
Being in a long-distance relationship can look different for everyone. Whether your partner is at another school hundreds of miles away or ten miles away, “distance” has no numerical rule. From issues pertaining to the lack of physical intimacy, jealousy and miscommunications, long-distance relationships pose potential problems — but not ones without solutions.
St. John’s University sophomore Joseph Stibich described his story of making distance work with his girlfriend who attends a different university.
“I don’t know if I’d call [from] Jamaica to the Lower East Side a long-distance relationship, but the hour on the F train doesn’t feel short,” he described. “This past semester we both went abroad and did actual long-distance.”
Many students struggle with sustaining their relationships when studying abroad, but according to Stibich, it’s not a hopeless cause.
“We are finally now in the same city, but when I was in Rome and Limerick, keeping in touch with each other and having a lot of trust in each other was super key. The truth about relationships, long distance or otherwise, is that if there isn’t a foundation of trust it won’t work.”
How can you build this foundation when not physically together? Consistent and reliable communication is one of the most important solutions. Create time for each other based on your schedules for when you can call or speak with no distractions or interruptions. Be honest about your plans and check in with your partner if you are out to ease anxieties and feelings of jealousy.
Verbal affirmation and kindness go a long way when separated from the one you love. If you have said the “L” word, be sure to tell them every single day.
Living Your Own Lives, Together
Being in a relationship while occupying the same space creates its fair share of issues. Scheduling conflicts, too little or too much time together and lack of communication are just a few problems that may arise in a relationship.
When asked how she maintains her relationship in school, junior Abigail O’Neill responded, “Communication and making sure you always know the next time you are going to see each other.”
She emphasized the importance of “making time for each other” and serving as a mutual support system.
Although school can become hectic and schedules may overlap, finding time for each other and understanding when your partner doesn’t have time is extremely important. Even though you are in the same space, it does not mean that you have to share it all the time.
Creating a plan of what days you can see each other during the week, and keeping these promises is an easy way to divide time between your partner and school or friends. Though it can be easy to spend every free moment with your partner, maintaining an active social life outside of them is crucial to a healthy relationship. When you and your partner have interests independent of each other, it allows you to develop as an individual.
The Two Pillars of Every Relationship
So, what do all relationships really come down to then? Trust and communication.
Establishing a system of communication between you and your partner assures that no matter the distance, you are both on the same page. Trust is another significant aspect of relationships, and if no trust is present, the relationship has no legs to stand on.
Some ways to increase or rebuild trust are through sharing positive experiences together, communicating honestly and acknowledging any past mistakes made that may have harmed the trust built in the relationship. Patience and dedication are a necessity when it comes to repairing trust between a couple.
At the end of the day, if the relationship is fulfilling and brings you joy, it is worth fighting any situation that comes your way. The most important thing is that you fight it together.
