When meeting someone for the first time, asking what their political, social or religious affiliation is likely to be frowned upon. However, to some, these topics are the most important thing to know about a person before considering a relationship with them. What happens when you fall in love with someone who doesn’t share your core beliefs?
It is estimated that 77% of married or cohabiting couples belong to the same political party, with about 69% of spouses sharing the same religious beliefs. For those whose relationship may not fit into these statistics, it can be nerve-wracking to navigate a partnership where both people don’t always see eye-to-eye. The level of disagreement will vary, so how true is the statement ‘opposites attract’ in this situation?
The Torch asked St. John’s students about their views on this topic and received varying responses.
“I would still be in a relationship with someone who has different religious or social beliefs,” senior Noah Skoultchi said. “But with politics, I don’t know enough to ‘pick a side.’ If the other person is heavily involved in politics we probably wouldn’t match.”
He continued to describe the ‘defining factor’ in a relationship as “Compromising and finding a level ground to move past the issue.”
However, others may prefer that their significant other shares the same ideas they do.
“My boyfriend and I are obviously not exactly the same, we differ in little things,” senior Audrey Mendez said. “But at the end of the day, I think we work so well together because we share the same core beliefs.”
Mendez believes that “opposites can work, but if there’s a difference in morals it won’t. If he was of a different religion that would be fine, unless his beliefs go directly against mine in a way that makes him think mine are lesser than or immoral.”
Emphasizing what matters most is being compatible “regarding morals.” Mendez described how couples who share the same core beliefs can understand each other, but she isn’t sure she could “work through the differences” that go against what she believes.
If the beliefs that your partner possesses are outwardly offensive and harmful to both you and others, it may be worthwhile having a serious conversation about them. There is a difference between having an opposing stance on politics or religion and possessing offensive views toward others. Especially in today’s political climate, it is easy to confuse different opinions with harmful ones. You and your partner may not have to agree on everything, but there should be a baseline of respect.
At the end of the day, human beings cannot pick and choose who they love. As long as both parties in the relationship respect, care for and listen to each other, there should be no reason for small differences to get in the way.
Having open and honest communication as well as boundaries about your differing beliefs, no matter how small or large, is the key to maintaining a healthy relationship. It is not impossible to agree to disagree.
