For many college students, going home for the holidays may begin the longest time a couple will be apart from each other. If you and your partner have been dating for a while, live far away or one of you doesn’t have any plans, the elephant in the room can likely be an invitation to your Thanksgiving. How soon is too soon, and is never not soon enough?
Bringing your partner home for Thanksgiving rips the Band-Aid off. Most of your family will likely be gathered in one place, and by bringing your partner, you kill two birds with one stone. They get to meet your family and you get to spend time with them — especially as a buffer if the holidays are a stressful time.
St. John’s University senior Jada Looby shared, “I would take a partner home for Thanksgiving because not only would my family get to know them more in my environment, but it’s a good way to learn more about me and who I was before them.”
For Looby, her timeline would be dating for two to three years before taking this step.
If you do decide to take this step, remember your partner’s nerves are only going to be amplified in this scenario. Brief them on the family drama they should know and warn them if your grandmother will try to kiss them on the lips. Just as you would be confused walking into another family’s gathering, imagine your partner will feel the same.
“A rule is not to bombard my significant other with questions,” Looby said.
“My parents and my family have always been the kind of people you bring friends/partners home to,” senior Briana Ledan said. “Even if things weren’t that serious, it could make for a good story down the line so I wouldn’t mind it.”
As for a relationship “timeline,” Ledan believes waiting until the relationship has “a good amount of commitment” is the move. But, it doesn’t have to be so serious in her eyes:
“Is this casual and you’re both okay with that? Then bring them over whenever as long as everyone is comfortable with that.”
Make them feel comfortable and welcome by introducing your partner to everyone and allowing them to meet people with an anchor (you). Comfortability in a new crowd ranges for everyone, so be sure to provide support in case of social anxieties.
Some may choose not to introduce their partner to their family during the holidays, not because they wish to keep their significant other hidden but because it may be stressful enough.
“I totally understand people who wouldn’t,” Ledan continued. “If my parents were any less inclusive and overall laidback with guests in this particular situation, then I would keep them separate.”
Many students who go home for Thanksgiving have also not seen their family and may not want to share, nor would they want to inflict the stress of first introductions during a hectic time. Try not to take offense at the outcome of your significant other asking or refusing the invitation.
In the end, every relationship moves at a different speed — not one answer is right or wrong. There’s always next year!
