Entering a relationship in college means finding the time to be with a partner as well as navigating other aspects of life like family, friends and school work.
It can be hard for anybody to prioritize individuality and relationships that are not as heavily emphasized in mainstream media the way that romance typically is.
It is possible, with effort and self-awareness, to have healthy relationships without feeling codependent on your partner. Here are some tips and tricks to maintain your individuality while dating.
Explore New Hobbies
This seems obvious or maybe even a little silly. But try going out and asking people what they like to do besides hanging out with friends or consuming media. You might be a little surprised at the blank stares you’ll receive in response.
There are plenty of cheap ways to explore your creativity and self-expression. Language learning, practicing art or enrolling in fitness classes is a great way to improve mental health and prioritize self-care while managing personal and professional lives.
Hobbies are most important when you’re consistently busy being around others. Relationships can feel like a hobby. Constantly having to plan things and investing time in ensuring that friends and family like you is a task in itself. Going to their family events and doing things to make your partner feel special is enjoyable, but it’s important to note that it’s not the same as an individual hobby. This makes it necessary to find things to do while being with a partner.
Relationship experts emphasize that having your interests builds self-esteem, and confidence and stops you from consistently relying on a partner for validation.
Spend More Time With Friends
Social media might normalize ghosting your friends after getting into a relationship. Some people might want their partners to cut everyone off as a gesture of love and faith.
This isn’t what experts expect partners to do when in relationships because friendships come with more benefits than you would think.
An easy way to learn about love and how to expect to be treated is through friendships. When friends can devote time, energy and effort to you, it makes it much easier to expect the same in romance.
Plan to grab brunch with your friends one week per month. Host movie nights or coffee dates with a few friends on days you know you will be available to sit and spend time with them. If you and your partner have different schedules, it might be easier to plan things with friends during times you know when your partner won’t be available. It’s the simplest things that show your friends they matter.
Friendships are a support system. If things go south in a relationship, or your partner turns out to be the person you didn’t expect them to be, having friends who are there for you emotionally might just give you the courage to demand the right treatment.
Enjoy Alone Time
Making it a point to do things solo is difficult.
Watching videos of old acquaintances in high school going out to clubs or peers you hardly know posting themselves at a restaurant with their partner can make you feel judged for apparent loneliness.
The feeling wears off eventually, and when it happens it becomes blatantly obvious why having check-ins with yourself and solo date nights is necessary at any stage in life.
Many videos on TikTok feature the idea of the stay-at-home-girlfriend or girlfriends centering their lives around their boyfriends. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to enjoy time with a partner, but slowly becoming reliant on someone for emotional and financial needs can be dangerous.
Having alone time gives you some space for introspection and reflection. Is this relationship going where I need it to go? What am I doing when I’m not with my partner? How are my grades?
Alone time is a perfect way to go back to the basics. Grades, hobbies and energy devoted to mental health can help realign values and make you feel better about yourself and your relationship.
You can begin by spending a Friday night doing some self-care. You can go to the gym, cook yourself a meal or get back to basics on things you have been putting off. If you paint your own nails or have some homework to catch up on, that can be a good time to turn on the TV and start working on it.
There’s a lot that can be said about the current dating world. The idea of “ghosting everyone and locking in” on your relationship is not only potentially harmful but the opposite of what experts recommend.
There’s so much freedom and enjoyment to be found in healthy boundaries and independence. Relationships are much easier to tackle when they are a part of your life — not your whole life.
Take these helpful pointers with you into the dating world and see what happens!
