The infamous tradwife. She steps out of the 1950s with rolled hair, a poodle skirt and carrying a steaming apple pie fresh from the oven. She lives off of the land that her husband pays for and never has to worry about rent or the cost of groceries. Like many of her kind, she is more than someone who stays at home, she’s a homemaker.
The “traditional wife” subscribes to the ideology that this is not only her destiny but the God-given destiny of every woman maturing into adulthood. She is going back to her roots and escaping the often debilitating labor market, with a catch.
The tradwives of TikTok are gaining momentum — using the platforms they have on social media to sell audiences an idealized lifestyle.
The most famous TikTok tradwife is Nara Smith, a former model, mother and wife. At just 22, Smith has garnered 9.7 million TikTok followers from her from-scratch recipes and family vlogs. She, and women like her, create a world where women don’t have to go on terrible Hinge dates or consider selling an organ to afford their degree. Women can consistently have fresh food in their refrigerators and a roof over their heads, a nice one at that. There’s just one little thing they have to do first, completely submit to their husbands.
Tempting, right?
This is the largest and most confusing difference between a tradwife and a stay-at-home parent. Stay-at-home parents might stay in the household because of childcare costs. That, or they simply want to be at home and raise their children. It comes with the same criteria that one would consider before choosing any career path. Can I live off of the income that is coming in? Is this something that I would enjoy?
It also can foster a relationship of equals among the stay-at-home parent and their spouse. Whereas becoming a tradwife involves subscribing to a certain set of ideals reminiscent of Christian patriarchy.
Take TikTok’s Hannah Neelman, more famously known as “Ballerina Farm.” The groundbreaking article by Megan Agnew details this distinction in detail. Neeleman and her husband Daniel are strict Mormons and use Christianity, and Daniel’s own ambitions, to guide them toward a traditional lifestyle. They have eight children because that’s what God intended.
They make everything from scratch — to the point where Hannah is bedridden for a week due to exhaustion — because their faith calls them to. They are CEOs of a meatpacking business because, well, because that’s what Daniel wanted for them. More importantly, the Neelemans’ profit off of a social media presence curated by Hannah herself, adding to the complexity of the lifestyle that they sell. Religion asks women to stay at home, but the tradwives can make a career and profit off of selling the traditional, Christian homemaker ideology that they are so known for.
Staying at home takes on a whole new meaning when it involves mimicking a time when women did not have financial rights. Women could not have a credit card or take out loans until the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974. Women lacked the resources necessary to consider options beyond homemaking and they certainly could not jump on TikTok, make videos and create a separate source of income.
The tradwives we watch are fostering a dangerous illusion. An illusion built on play-acting but catering to an alt-right male audience. The dangers of pretending to fully rely on a husband and biblically “submit” to him spiritually and financially lie not with the women consuming the media, but the men. Men that will prevent their wives from developing a separate source of income, thus cutting them off financially from the rest of civilization. Men that will push these agendas into classrooms and family life. Men that will use this as an excuse to demand obedience from women in general.
Wear a poodle skirt. Bake a pie and serve it to your family. Go to Church every Sunday and practice traditional gender roles that make you feel comfortable and secure. But do not push an agenda that validates financial and marriage inequality in the home. Do not show a lifestyle that is inaccurate to the realities of being a tradwife. When you are a tradwife, the labor market becomes your own home.
