TikToker and OnlyFans model Kendel Kay moved to Puerto Rico in 2021 to live full-time with her boyfriend, Luke Lintz. After a few months, Kay quit her job to spend more time cooking, traveling and cleaning for and with Luke.
Her TikToks, which are full of videos of her romanticising domesticity, have captions like “doing girly things all day >”
Kay and Lintz broke up in 2023 and since then the model has been speaking out about the harsh reality of their relationship.
“It’s definitely risky to enter this lifestyle if you don’t have a safety net to fall back on,” she said to The Sun.
Her whirlwind relationship, posts and a change of heart post-breakup are giving viewers whiplash. After the drama divided the audience–with one half of her comment section advocating for her financial independence and the other half applauding her stepping into her “feminine energy,”—the debate was finally put to rest.
There are other conversations, too, particularly surrounding sex work. Due to layoffs and less access to livable income, the platform OnlyFans skyrocketed, allowing sex workers more agency and individualism in their work but also normalizing a line of work that often comes without legal protections.
Girls don’t know what to make of these two very different concepts. It’s considered “anti-feminist” for a girl not to support another girl in her choices. In a world where individual choice is law, it feels wrong to criticize the decisions of women like Kay and other OnlyFans creators.
“Girls support girls” is a trending phrase on social media. The concept is supposed to create a digestible movement for all women to be a part of, regardless of what kind of lives they lead. Trad wives, “girl bosses” and everyone in between can participate.
In contrast, being told you’re not a “girl’s girl” is like being ousted from a club everyone is involved in. To be a girl’s girl is to never question or doubt your fellow woman or the things typically labeled as feminine. This can be anything from being the “other woman” to not liking the color pink. It’s made to include all girls in feminism but oftentimes does the opposite. If you’re not a girl’s girl, you’re ostracized.
This is what a world devoid of honest criticism looks like. We buy frilly dresses and pink waterbottles, we go out to brunch and pilates together and keep our mouths shut when our friend skips classes to go to her boyfriend’s. If we fail to comply with these types of norms, we are exiled from girl world.
Post-feminism, a term implying that the goals of feminism have already been achieved, has convinced us to stick together, no matter the cost. Women can stay at home as girlfriends and post OnlyFans content when they turn 18, and it’s hard to blame them. It’s appealing in a society where we are constantly forced to work longer hours just to survive.
But this line of thought doesn’t allow us to think deeper.
Why are women turning towards domesticity? How have rising poverty rates popularized this? How has it popularized sex work? Do these women have legal protections when their partner’s are their employers? Does OnlyFans promise safety and protection to creators? How are these creators still exploited?
Blind faith in one another keeps us reliant on a system that is still working against us. We do not have to villainize each other but conversation, research and criticism can allow for more progress both in a societal standpoint and legal one. We don’t have to swallow girlhood like a pill, we can make it something much more meaningful.
