Fire drills at 3:00 a.m., Grade Q diner food, washing machines that do everything but wash clothes, elevators that feel like a carnival ride. All of these things are at the heart of dorm life.

Yes, dorm life lacks the many perks that are portrayed on television, such as queen size beds and abundant closet space, but most dorm students don’t have to worry about searching 40 minutes for a parking spot. Still, living on campus is not always what it’s cracked out to be.

Picture starting your day with a hot shower, a soothing cup of coffee and a relaxing ride on the elevator. Not at St. John’s! One would think that with the popularity of lawsuits, elevators would actually take students to their destination safely. Every time I step onto that death trap I hold onto my life as it shakes and swings like a bungee cord.

As much as we have the luxury of bathrooms within the suite rather than down the hall, World War III has taken place in my dorm, in which suitemates feud over who is going to clean the hair, mildew and who-knows-what that lingers on the bathroom floors and walls. It eventually comes down to comparing hair samples of the suitemates to the hair that clings to the tile in the shower.

There are also occasional disputes over sharing, or better known as “stealing,” other people’s stuff. One time, two suitemates battled over jelly and five RA’s came charging into the room like a SWAT team!

However, if you can learn to be considerate of other people and are willing to compromise then you will find some of the best friends that you will ever come across in a lifetime. These friends can help you get through the really rough times at college, such as trying to figure out what you are eating for dinner at Montgoris. Personally, I feel safe with the fries and salad because that is what they look and taste like.

There is nothing more exhilarating than spending the night bar-hopping, no not at Traditions and Gantry’s, but rather, McDougal Street in the Village. Unfortunately, that lovely excursion can be destroyed after finally settling down at 4:00 a.m. only to wake up moments later to the earsplitting sound of the fire bell! Students have taken pride in the ongoing prank. Here’s some advice: always have a heavy jacket, sweatpants, and a magazine handy just so you can run out of the building before you go deaf!

It might not be “Saved By the Bell: the College Years,” but living at St. John’s has certainly brought me many smiles. Of course, I will never miss carrying three loads of wash down seven flights of stairs because the elevators are broken and wasting $6.00 on washers and dryers that cover clothes in lint. But I will always look back on gossiping about the scandalous characters of “The Real World” with my suitemates.